What if Dracula – you know: fangs, cape, “I vant to suck your blood” – but he’s Gerard Butler back in his heartthrob days and, instead of a bat-wing cape, he’s in a long black leather trenchcoat à la release-year twin The Matrix? Have you considered that before? Well, now you must do so as Hyperreal unleashes the most ultra-Aughts depiction of the Count ever conceived with this sleek and silly feature-length advertisement for the Virgin Megastore. Van Helsing (Christopher Plummer) and his wisecracking grandson (Jonny Lee Miller) attempt to contain the ancient monster after a gang of high-tech thieves steal Dracula’s tomb. Full disclosure, Reader: I programmed this movie, so if you don’t want to hurt my feelings, you better pay eight bucks to see Omar Epps turn into a vampire. – James Scott
